Friends for Long Life
April 22nd, 2009 © by Susan Swartz
It’s not whopping big news that having friends is good for your health, but it’s nice to have scientific support for flying off with your girlfriends once a year.
Last week we went to San Diego where the three of us first met, not as surfer girls, but as young married career women, reporters on the same evening newspaper. We are no longer married to those same husbands and our careers have morphed widely, although we all still know how to write a headline and a lead sentence. The newspaper merged with the morning paper. The building itself, which was downtown, is gone. A mall is in its place. The newspaper moved out to the shopping center. Everything’s changed except for our annual need to get together, this time on a beach in San Diego.
Two live in California and one in Indiana, but we prefer meeting at a neutral location like Savannah, Chicago, Key West or Phoenix. When my husband and I moved to Germany, my two friends flew over so we could have our getaway in Strasbourg and Heidelberg.
Our vacation routine is the same. We get up and hit the streets in pajama tops and sweatpants, seeking coffee and newspapers. This time we scored papers at a liquor store up the beach, next door to a coffee house with a patient barista. One of us is known for her complicated espresso orders.
We don’t play tennis or golf. Well, two don’t, but we try to exercise. This time, there were walks on the sand and bicycles on the boardwalk. The fittest of the three brought her exercise bands. For activities, we eat, we shop and search out art museums, sometimes a play. This time we cruised beach towns to hunt up our old addresses in one time funky places showing off new wine bars and garden art stores.
We agree on Kevin Spacey and the need for dogs.
Driving is always amusing. Two prefer to be in the driver’s seat, which leaves the other controlling personality to bark directional changes and the third to sit gratefully in the back.
At night we usually watch movies, lament the state of newspapers, tell other sad stories and have cocktails. One wine, one scotch, one brandy.
We’ve been friends for 40 years, although one still tells people she’s only 48 and that would mean we met in grade school. To be honest, she does have the youngest face, which we can attest is her own.
In many ways we don’t match and if we lived next door to each other we might not have remained as close as we have miles apart. We have vastly different lifestyles, sometimes heatedly different politics and opposite tastes in everything from pre-roasted grocery store chicken to why Meryl Streep did “Mama Mia.” Only one uses “Facebook.” Only one reads with a Kindle. Two wear pepto pink and canary yellow. One prefers black.
We agree on Kevin Spacey and the need for dogs.
A recent health story in the New York Times said that having friends prolongs life, boosts brain health and aids in recovery from illness. Friends make us feel protected. They give us confidence. They keep our stress levels down.
In our case I think we know so much basic history about each other – parents, ex-husbands, kids, health scares and idiosyncrasies, that we cushion each other like family. We have enjoyed different levels of professional, marital and financial success but we’ve never competed. If one said “help,” the other two would be there tomorrow. Oh sure, we’ll tell one that she snores and one that she’s bossy and one that she’s told the same story twice already.
Still, if friends do keep you healthy we’re pretty good insurance for each other.
Tags: boomers, friends, Juicy_Tomatoes, newspapers, san_diego, Susan_Swartz
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April 23rd, 2009 at 11:45 am
Enjoyed your column, Susan. While you were in San Diego, our six-member book drove up the coast from Santa Rosa to Bandon, Oregon. We rented a van so we wouldn’t have to take two cars (besides being mindful of the environment, we didn’t want to miss a minute of conversation.) We walked on the beach, bought fish and chips at the pier, discussed driving and the signs for giving it up, decided that buddy-system dieting is best (our answer to Weight Watchers), talked politics, husbands and partners, children and grandchildren…and oh yes, we discussed books, too. We range in age from 55-85. Friendship, not age, is what counts…and keeps us healthy.
April 23rd, 2009 at 12:55 pm
cool, penny. which book? Two of us had read “Loving Frank” and made it assigned reading for the other. Bandon sounds lovely.
April 23rd, 2009 at 2:14 pm
Loved reading of the continuity with all the changes. Would have liked more about how your newspaper reporter lives continue, other media, things like that. What were your special focii at your papers? Is there a novel writer or memoirist in the group. Lots more to write but it’s fun imagining you chatting away and laughing so hard it will keep you going many years. I feel the same way but don’t have a reunion group I’m close to. Thanks for letting me live it vicariously, bb
April 23rd, 2009 at 4:14 pm
I’m still trying to find more on your trip to Guatemala, but oh well. Friends for life & BB’s comment make me think we should do another writers get away even if we don’t have a book we’re working on together. On my last friends trip we weren’t able to watch a chick flick because the machines didn’t work. Oh darn! More games! We never really go out at nite. Dinner sometimes, but not shows, bars, etc. Games & talk fills the nite. Sometimes a few tears. Sooooooo different with guys trips. Don’t really want to know all the details.
April 23rd, 2009 at 5:46 pm
Yes, let’s do another writers’ get-away. Maybe we’ll come up with a book.
April 23rd, 2009 at 9:28 pm
I loved your “friends” column. Last year, I renewed a friendship with five of my best high school friends. It was 1971 when I saw them last. It was like we had never been apart. This summer we’re all going to Leadville, Colorado for another little reunion. Girlfriends are so special and so important.
April 24th, 2009 at 8:22 am
Hey Grami: It’s also a good message to pass on to the next generations.
April 24th, 2009 at 10:05 am
Hi Susan,
You on a bike? Cool. On my last girls trip to San Diego, we glued quarters to the boardwalk and then watched people try and pick them up! I was born and raised there you know. Surely my phone number in the phone booths have faded by now.! haha
Leaving soon for Wy to help Jill out. She broke her foot rock climbing and has to have surgery. In June, I’m meeting some of my old Anaheim Hills girlfriends for a
Bette Midler concert. Planning a trip to Cuba in October with friends from Phoenix.
Looking forward to seeing you next month.
April 27th, 2009 at 7:19 pm
I enjoyed reading about old friendships. There are 4 of us who have know each other since 5th grade back in Maryland. We get together just about every year for the last 20 years or so. I lost touch with one , Darla but we ran into each other at an art show outside of D.C. and we try to see each other when I am back there. My other friends from here, from an assortment of backgrounds and ages just went to Calistoga for the weekend to sit in the baths, catch up on life and dance. We did just that, even fitted a bike ride in too. It is a great town to take a ride, beautiful, quiet,tree lined streets. And it is so close!