Summer Fun with Guns
May 29th, 2009 © by Susan SwartzNow that our national obsession with guns is linked to our national love for the great outdoors, with Congress voting to allow loaded and concealed weapons in our national parks, I began thinking what the summer might hold in terms of fun with guns.
Imagine how we could market this new recreational combo.
Looking for a summer thrill? We have parks that really kill.
Do you need a place to stay? Call your local N.R.A.
Pack a pistol in your pack, U.S. law has got your back.
On the trail it’s really fun, scaring strangers with your gun.
If the neighbors make a noise, silence them with big boy toys.
Go ahead, give all a fright, it’s your constitutional right.
Bring the sutures, bandage rolls, iodine for bullet holes.
Bug spray, sunscreen, snakebite kit won’t protect you from a hit.
Okay, campers, you get the idea? Now, let’s consider the possibilities if the all-powerful gun lobby, the Great Horned Shooters of America, given their triumph over common sense, decide to flex their muscle even more and push to make firearms legal in all the other places Americans go to rest and recreate.
Do you need one in your car? Would you take one to a bar?
Would you reload at the mall? Or in a museum hall?
Going to an outdoor theater? Don’t forget to take your heater.
Would you pack one at the pool? How about at summer school?
Draw your gun at seventh inning if you hate the team a’winning.
When you’re sunning at the beach, keep an Uzi within reach.
Summer dances on the green viewed through cross-hairs can be keen.
Love that holster on your bike. Do they make one for a trike?
Stash a sidearm in your basket, bring home Grandpa in a casket.
I know this sounds as sing-song silly as a Dr. Seuss rhyme. But who would have thought that the grown-ups who are leading our country, with our epidemic of murder rampages, would agree to make it legal to take a loaded firearm to Yosemite or the Grand Canyon or your favorite national seashore.
We go to our parks for fun, not so we can scream and run.
Outdoor’s made for peace and quiet, not for those who cause a riot.
Mother Nature’s hit the floor since the sniper moved next door.
Smokey Bear is worried too. He’d feel safer at the zoo.
Tags: gun_laws, Juicy_Tomatoes, national_parks, Susan_Swartz
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May 31st, 2009 at 1:16 pm
Carl Hiaasen would love your rhymes, and i bet you’d love his column on this
http://www.miamiherald.com/418/story/1073033.html
June 11th, 2009 at 6:53 am
As a liberal anti-war pro-gay-marriage pro-universal-healthcare Democrat, I have zero problem with licensed people carrying defensive firearms in National Parks if the state they’re in already allows it. If you live in any of the 37(?) states that issues CCW permits to any non-felon that can pass a safety and marksmanship test, you already pass several dozen people a day outside the Parks with a legally carried handgun under their shirt. The people with these licenses are an order of magnitude less likely to commit any crime than average anyway.
News to my fellow liberals - the decision’s been made and this kind of pointless gun control is a political and ethical loser. We still support background checks and banning guns from airplanes, duh. Get with the program!