Good Karma or Ka-Ching?
November 27th, 2009 © by Susan Swartz
Maybe this will be the year for good wishes, loving thoughts and no gifts. When Santa, the spirit of Christmas formerly known as Mr. Big Box, slips only a few envelopes under the tree.
Envelopes not with gift cards but with little notes inside that read something like, “A donation has been made in your name to (some worthy cause) and whose selfless efforts will lead to greater peace and harmony than by my going to the mall to buy you something you can’t afford to buy for yourself and I really can’t either.”
It could be our good karma Christmas. A day on which we gather with our family and give out good cheer but nothing that comes in a box with a gift return slip taped inside.
This no-gift option is something that Father Christmas and I are thinking of presenting to our immediate kin. It will have to be decided soon because we are a gift-giving family. We have tried downsizing. We’ve set price limits. We’ve drawn names so that we only give to one person. Then we amended that plan to allow side presents for everyone else in the form of stocking stuffers. But sweaters and salad bowls don’t fit inside even jumbo stockings. So people went ahead, bought big and stacked their over-sized items on the floor under the appropriate stocking, taking us back to the old days of piles of presents for all.
There isn’t a Santa we know who isn’t short on jingle this year.
But without presents, why get up before dawn on Christmas morning to dive under the tree? Could we still have our ritual without the main attraction? We could sit around in our pajamas and play our favorite Gladys Knight and Mariah Carey Christmas albums and still indulge in the Christmas morning menu of bagels, lox and cream cheese and some form of brandy to splash in the coffee.
Still, rituals are hard to break and no one wants to be called a Scrooge but really (and I’m rehearsing now) everyone’s on a tight budget. There isn’t a Santa we know who isn’t short on jingle this year. Yet our family is lucky to be among the employed and the housed, and we still have our health and can buy lox. But there is a growing band of needy out there. So let’s suck it up this year and share with those who don’t have a choice where to put their money.
But what do we tell the grandkids? Do we announce, “Well, Christmas is really about spending time together so have a bagel” or do we make an exception? There is the Christmas story told in our family about one small child so overwhelmed by the number of gifts piled up around her feet that she started crying and kicking them away. That child, now the mother of two, has already requested that we please keep it to a minimum.
How about this new twist to the family ritual? We choose our favorite local agency or organization that constantly gives to our community – a school, library, women’s shelter, clothes closet or food bank and write a modest but meaningful check. We go lean with the kiddies but still get to scope out the cool new things painted red with wheels at the toy store and thereby contribute to the local economy.
And for the adults, I’m thinking books. Real ones, to encourage the art of reading and writing, to save our independent book stores and to preserve that other ritual that sometimes takes place over Christmas, when things go quiet and you take yourself to a cozy chair by the tree, open your book and a new story begins.
Tags: Black_Friday, Christmas, Juicy_Tomatoes, karma, Susan_Swartz
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November 30th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
Thanks for starting a very relevant conversation! Rituals and family traditions die hard, but it’s up to us elders to initiate and create new traditions. This year, instead of holiday gifts, we are treating our children to a fun weekend in San Francisco — keeping costs down by staying at a friend’s house for the weekend instead of hotel rooms (our city friends will be out of town). We are treating the kids to a show and some fun outings that don’t cost a bundle. Since the holidays for us are really about being together, we are going to share the gift of our time and love, having fun together. There will be no gifts or wrapping paper this year, just a memory of a great time together. That is enough.
November 30th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
A friend was here with me for a few days before Thanksgiving and the subject came up. She’s kindof planning on giving donations in the name of the giftee but is not 100 percent sure it’s what she’ll do. Her husband isn’t keen on the idea of her giving donations to HIS side of the family (second marriage). I remembered that I heard a persuasive argument against it - luckily my older husband actually did remember the point … this is it: this is often a gift for the giver - creates lots of warm and fuzzy feelings for him or her. Seems to me if the givee has given an indication that that’s what s/he would like, then it’s the thing to do. (I did that once and the giver was haunted by additional requests for donations but he’s a big boy and can handle that relatively minor annoyance.) In addition to this sometimes good idea - and most of us contribute to our favorite local charities, yes? - I like your idea about downsizing the gifts. I like gifts - I like to give them and receive them. They never ever have to be terribly extravagent. And, I too, will not contribute any more to the pile of toys under my grandchildren’s tree - a book or two and a check for the college fund (or other launching fund, whatever that may be). And cookies.
November 30th, 2009 at 2:31 pm
… oh and, P.S. We’re treating the grandchildren and their parents (and us!) to a local performance of The Nutcracker the day after Christmas. Now there’s a gift for all of us!
November 30th, 2009 at 6:00 pm
Actually, Susan, you suggestions at the end are perfect!
I especially like tghe Bokks for the Adults.
November 30th, 2009 at 6:33 pm
Oh good. I like all of these ideas. This morning in my yoga class one woman said when she gave just gifts to her grandchildren her 12 year old (sensitive) granddaughter felt guilty. She’s gone back to drawing names with a $50 maximum. My daughter, mother of two, said she worries if her kids are the only ones getting presents it perpetuates the idea that they are the center of the universe. We’re still considering..
December 1st, 2009 at 6:29 am
we’ve been trying most of those for several years. none of them has really worked very well, so this year I’m going to do my own patchwork system. One of my favorite books, possibly from my library, for the adults and for the families with children (who are all quite a distance away) some kind of family gift — a game, a DVD, maybe food or a candle, since I celebrate the winter solstice.
totally agree with the mother of two! Our consumer society is so tough on kids, constantly telling them they deserve the latest fad toy. I love the ideas for shared experiences, but that’s tough when the family is scattered.
December 1st, 2009 at 12:55 pm
Another woman said her little boy became so frustrated with eager relatives adding to his pile of gifts that he cried out, “I just want to play with my dinosaur.”
December 2nd, 2009 at 9:00 am
We’ve been discussing this topic and trying out ways to reduce expense and stress for the past few years. Nothing so far worksw for everyone, and I suspect it’s because all our relationships are different as well as the distance factor. I’ve cobbled together a few ideas that work for some family members, not for others, like the ones who live far away. For grandchildren close by: an invitation to a day (or part of a day) with grandparents (or just one of us) doing something that particular child really likes or that we would like to introduce–a new experience. I always go for the physical activity whenever possible…an upcoming SRJC basketball game (and a gift of a basketball), a hike on a new trail with a picnic lunch, a walk at Howarth Park followed by a movie at the Rialto…just things I’ve done in the past that seem to work. I also favor books for just about everyone…and as you say, Susan, purchased at one of our wonderful local independent book stores. Let’s keep the conversation going.